turmoil

i was driving for fuel the other day n a conversation with mum made me rem how i was as a kid.

i vaguely rem being all of 5 years old, holding my favourite mickey and running up n down whenever the then wwf superstars was about to show on channel 5.

i even rem the time: 6pm saturdays.

the bigger step up from superstars: pay per views that were shown in the weeee hours of the night, for obvious reasons. these were at 10 plus and yeah. thats late for single digit aged kid!

mum was harping about the fact that ive always always been the kid that was dam gan chiong spider! she mentioned bout how im always rushing to the toilet. like continously.

and how whenever i woke up the next morning, ill def have mickey in my hands n swing him around looking for my breakfast.

somethings don change. not the part bout breakfast. not the part about the toilet. even mickey has been dethroned in place of the new queen on windyland: isabelle.

i having my first exam since 2006 tmr. thats fucking 3 years. 3 years without the tough situation of stress and anxiety and being graded. grades to me = to stupidity. im even more stressed now with all the friendly rivalry among all of us about who is the smarter between the 2. unnecessary stress u might say but it has really pushed me to the limits.

im scared shitless, i havent sat down n studied the way i have in years now. n surprisingly, it has gotten into my head. 

why i m afraid, i have no clue.

but one things for sure. im fazed.

holiday? more like an illusion.

i had fun today.

for the first time in a couple of months, i saw some light at the end of the tunnel.

but my insecurities, as always, are getting the better of me.

the never ending inquisitions still linger in the head that has a couple of screws that require tightening.

one thing often leads to another.

in the case of this head that houses the term unpredictability, its like a never ending search for the answers to questions the magnitude of the chicken and the egg.

sweep me off my feet please.