kyptonite

even clark kent had something that worked against him.
i m only human, prone to assumptions
the breeding of negativity is only a norm.

sch officially starts tmr n somehow.
i wish im more alone.
i love extremes.

Looking back at all the things we've done
You gotta keep on keeping on
Out to see, it's the only placeI honestly can get myself some piece of mind
You know it's getting hard to fly
If I'm to fall
Would you be there to applaud?

i have practically worked my socks off and even my hands now are actually aching.

i mean. my arms are numb from carrying all that nonsense i carried yesterday.

sometimes i wonder if its worth the money im getting in return.

in any case.

im feeling really vommmitty.

its the feeling of nausea thats just rather overwhelming.

to know whats going on sickens me, riight to my stomach.

it really does.

taxing. u damn right.

its hard to see what happens in the house sometimes n not feel for it.

sometimes the shoutings actually really get to me.

the world we live in shouldnt be filled with all this noise that makes us all feel so small.

sounds like that should be put to good use.

i hate it when the whole issue crops up.

i don have any control over any of this but what really kills me inside is the fact that i have to sit back and watch everything unfold in front of me.

i cant help it.

and as much as i don usually show a lot of emotion when such things come along.

theres almost always a breaking point

skepticism.

hectic. to say the least.

mr linguistic is certainly on the wrong side now. but more than ever, this actually poses a challenge of self satisfaction.

ive done a couple of jobs here n there, but none more meticulous than this.

so i thought the pop corn place was bad. this makes that place look so indifferent, its like comparing the pirates here to that of those in somalia?

goals are set to be made, but i never actually thought that setting them would make such a difference. its good that im actually working towards some of this right now.

im a little startled to say the least.

i really m not living.

im just killing time.

well i wasnt actually intending too but i realised how an email or 2 can actually cause screw ups.

i stumbled upon a couple of mails from back in 2003 and wow. talk about a long long time ago and being seriously immature.

some things always change in an instant.

others just don change at all.

but really. 

feelings, arent they supposed to last.

last a while more at least.

how is it that in a mattter of months, ok maybe just weeks. that things can disintegrate and just be as though nothing ever happened in the first place?

ive been thru this before but companionship and love are different. 

cant we all just get that.

headless chicken

6 alphabets.

2 definite vowels.

1 word to keep me alive.

sugarcoat.

everything is overrated.

work wasnt that good today. 

i had too little fire. too little motivation to have much comission.

when im busy, im swamped. 

when im free, im really free and it doesnt actually help that when this scenario happens, i think.

i think too much. i really do.

i should keep these thoughts in my head n limit them to who gets to hear it.

its amazing how pple that know nothing n when i mean absolutely nothing could still get by with how they do, just by using god damn words.

im not out to cheat you, and maybe i should set my target to be that so my sales could rocket.

but really. the feeling will suck if i make u get something that u really shouldnt. 

lets get realistic. or rather. winsur should get realistic.

u keep pissing me off and i swear, i might just punch u when i see u. 

don make me do it. ill shove the hard drive where the sun doesnt shine.

pass me another pint. i cud do with 5 actually.

i miss you. i really do.

talk about commission.

the buzz thats supposed to surround me, im not feeling it.

i rem that i said something along the lines of really enjoying mar 12 when it actually comes around.

i don know if its just me being fatigued or really jaded. but i really don seem to feel anything. nothing at all. 

ive had more time for reflection, this time for my 2 years of completion. 

ive realised that this is technically the official start of my real adult adult adult life, which already consists of everything it is consisting, just more responsibility if i actually think of it. what im talking about would include more bills, more aims, more goals and certainly more money.

ive always wanted my 2 years back but i know for a fact that the past years have given me respite, a time to actually think and be sensible. i cant say the same for everyone but i know that it has taught me what i would never have learnt if i was out there being a total delinquent.

it hasnt been a totally smooth ride but i have to say, ive enjoyed it in some ways. just looking at the testimonial sometimes, it definitely makes me feel good.

out.

u walk in that certain way.

ur feet shuffle rather quickly.

ur head bobbles a little back n forth.

what grabs ur attention more often than not are babies that are usually cute to say the least.

or should u come across something seriously artistic/one of a kind.

u'll stop and stare, taking it all in at once.

when u eat u would so totally get ur sauces mixed up n ready.

when i want to eat it, u would playfully drag it away from me.

or just freaking shove it into my mouth with all the chilli u can find.

when u get engrossed. u really do.

u start looking at stuff pple don usually look at.  and only after, start realising that u actually have ur moments of weirdness.

when u sing, u dance the silliest way possible

and when the words don come out right, ull just make them up along the way.

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enough said. i don mean to be a stalker. 

i wonder when u will read this but everything is supposed to be simple n easy.

its supposed to be honest so everything will work out in the easiest way possible.

ive allowed my heart to lead me. and it seems like its leading me to this place deep in the amazon. and suddenly im stuck not knowing what i m doing.

theres one thing that im always reminded of by a certain siah siah.

and thats how that u should ultimately always love yourself more than the other party.

most definitely. more true than ever.

its a little difficult. but never ever regret what u do. just live for the moment. 

so says another.

being naive is something ive always known i am. 

i belief in fairy tales.

some part of me does.

if u actually read this, itll actually show something.

u think u know me very well but really i cant write as well as i hope/think i can

theres no other way to say it but ill say it like i should.

i met someone. it was a total accident. it was the perfect accident if u ask me.

next thing i know, im in a car with u feeling all excited about the future and how neurotic everything can be in an instant.

good news is that person ive met happens to be you.

im not knowing whats next n yes it scares the shit out of me.

but in some ways, i know that if we blink n let things go, we might get lost along the way.

i don know if ill ever get to courage to tell u what i need to tell u and ask u to take this leap of faith on me, but really. one and only one reason comes to mind. u smell like home. 

u are not to blame for. 

the closest people are the ones u usually neglect.

ive totally forgotten bout this fren i have.

its a friendship that certainly comes n goes, with spurts of anger in btw no doubt. but there is actually no questioning that we actually know each other for some time now. its funny how its been  7 years.

talked n certainly interesting stuff have come up.

the book of novelty. what men know about women and the book happens to be totally empty

how bout what women know about men.

and we have pages filled with absolute nonsense to begin with

we always almost safely assume that the other party gets ur point. but do we actually get our point across?

soul searching is certainly a must n a definite need.

you are not to blame for bitter sweet distractor

dare not speak its name

dedicated

we seperate like ripples on a blank shore.

how many times m i gonna allow u to do this to me before actually understanding that im just a fucking dimwit.

i had the weirdest dream.

so yeah. it came back to bite me in the ass.

i dreamt that a polo captain called me. n told me he was my new PC. which is weird cos thats ever gonna happen. well the story goes with how he was asking for me to actually go back to plt for 1 LAST shot. sounds like the god damn wrestler honestly.

in any case, yes, one last fire. which was apparently huge. so huge that my platoon didnt bother about it and seem so nonchalant. weird weird dream.

i obviously panicked because i returned my bunker a couple of days ago which means that, im fucked.

so yeah. all that while trading stocks n working at the cheesecake cafe.

in any case, the dream was all in a 42 min nap. and i have learnt bout what i really feel bout that platoon.

its pretty obvious that i have been taken advantage of in some senses.

yes im prob the only dam sgt who has never physically gotten his hands dirty in terms of punishing the people around me, but it is a known fact that i never need to have my hands dirty. 1 word n things could be pretty ugly for them. 

but. with the dream. its kinda like im suddenly realizing that my time for ns in the past 2 years has been seriously seriously optimized by the god damn force. in every sense of it. they won even let me go in my final 4 days.

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there was a msg i received admist the really messy scene.

it came from a certain someone.

why why why.

stuffed to the neck like a turkey at a christmas dinner table.

thats definitely me.

ive seen some vigorous scratching in my life and nothing compares to how u do what u do to ur face.

ive seen some really conscious people bout their weight but nothing beats how u get all so sensitive bout it.

ive seen angelina jolie's lips and urs are not too far off, to me at least.

ive seen people do puzzles at a fast rate, none quite faster den you. mostly quieter, more humble and certainly less frantic too.

ive seen some strong willed people. none of them who be better and more motivated and willing to stand by their reasons like u.

ive seen attractive people in specs, none that cost only 12 bucks.

sleepless with alcohol

i never quite understand till now the power of alcohol and lack of sleep.

it is supposed to rub off each other if u know what i mean

in any case. i had a little fun watching the cup final. it was actually good to be honest.

far more than anything as compared to the past few days.

what topped it all of was how i never expected anything but still have them lift the trophy after that.

murphy's law

clearly indicates that whatever can go wrong will go wrong

and at the worst possible time, in the worst possible way.

well said. never have i heard something better than this, more sensible or less truthful.

isnt that always the case? u wanna hail a cab but u are at the wrong side of the road.

u are queuing up for an atm and u just had to choose the one with a dimwit in front of u.

u know whats wrong but u just had to try proof urself otherwise, thinking its all worth it.

im not saying it hasnt been or that im giving up.

but i guess we all have our moments when our psychology gets the better of us.

this is definately one instance.

regretful.

extremely.

should have n would haves are in a place so far away now. i cant even begin to mention.

i need sleeeeeeeeeeep!