distortion

after 2 yrs. god. what m i thinking.

nowhere close, somewhere far.

i just had a flash, in the words of a certain chuck. of a certain 6 yr old kid, not knowing the consequences of a slippery floor, jumping up and down on it when his sister and dad was in his sight. talk about tell me how to live by audioslave, i probably was too young but i didnt know what death was by cerebral haemmorrhage.

bout 15 yrs later, i get the same thing. im playing ball on a slipper surface and i see my dad come back and i know the dangers. if only i was smart enough 2 yrs ago to not do the things i did and ACTUALLY cherished what i have.

on a brighter note, im realising that things are kinda sorta changing for some of us and im leading myself to believe that its only a matter of time before my situation gets better. i mean i shuld believe in karma and rem that i havent been too evil a person and as such, i will b rewarded handsomely. im not looking for anything tooo gracious. just a little more compassion n talk time. but first, ill require some guts.

someone give me that rank instead.

im severely underpaid, being called on days off and bothered bout things that i have little or no control over. it seems like a job in the public affairs department where i have to please the whole dam world, everybody else but myself. talk about golden boy. it sucks to be in my shoes, especially during an off day.

imagine waking up to calls at fucking 8am in the morning when u know u have no business answering them. it doesnt help that the caller doesnt realise that hes being a total douchebag and is utterly persistant to get my sleepy ass on the other line. and just when u pick up, they realise, ooh wait i called the wrong person, hes off duty and he really shuldnt have a clue bout whats happening today.

thats not enough. i have a secondary pain in the ass which i obviously cant get rid off. pple are begging me for days off but i don have the authority to grant them their right. cant they motherfucking understand that i have no powers. why are pple, carrying the same rank as me, asking me the same question that ive been tryin to answer for 235r123526t mths now!!

why cant u stupid blind bats just open ur eyes and stop being so oblivious to the fact that we are in our current state now because of 1 asshole who carries 2 pips on each side of his shoulder but yet sleeps more den all of us combined? u fuckking dimwits. but that aside, u guys are bats, blind by nature, so what more should i expect from u guys right? i needa seriously get out of my current predicament. its not doing me any good that frustration is getting the btter of me on this saturday afternoon. WHY M I ANSWERING WORK CALLS ANYWAY!

failing

what makes a good show is the music. u could say that again. like a million times and u realise that it really is right. talk about OST to little snippets playing. it cant be more true.

well anyway. i realise my bet ends in 2 days n i cant begin to explain how ive failed sooo utterly miserably. lets hope i don fail again tmr.