draining.

this has been a reallly straining week. mentally. everything has been soo sudden. yes i enjoyed that one day off. den suddenly everything changed. in a bad way.
the messages traded with sissy has been really traumatic. n i havent spoken to her in so long that im actually scared now. i wonder what the fuck shes doing. i don deserve to know but i deserve a response? contradicting but i AM contradicted now. im so screwed in the head im actually pissed off. den everything with the family. FUCK MAN. i havent seen my dad in ages n mum makes me feel guilty. i deserve to know everything because i AM part of the family but they are all keeping it from me. m i some kind of outsider. i swear i wanna cry at the thought of them shouting at each other with sarcastic thoughts.

den the fact i quarrelled with her that badly. god. and everything at woodlands is killing me. i tot a new PC cud help but not. i literally ran the show for him to watch yesterday n i think he is quite impressed. that aside. im just another messanger. again.