rate or mortality.

what a way to end the yr n start the new yr. there was just a certian reason i couldnt bring myself to party on n get wasted with kegs n kegs n kegs of beer. but i just couldnt put my finger onto the reason. something was holding me back but i was more likely den not using my laziness as the primary one for me to just rot at home.

we were heading to mt faber cos mum was whining bout how she needed to get out of the hse. n i couldnt seem to receive any msgs from anyone and update my party plans. we rushed to the hospital. and what i saw upon my arrival was a very glazed her. its just not her. i know her. shes usually alert, chatty, laughing, full of questions for u. she was just really comfortable. but den. she was glazed and really tired. i cud almost sense her disappointment. she started to vomit n her grandsons panicked. i cud only lift her up so she doesnt choke on her excretions. thats all i cud do really. n i was just shocked.

its been a fucked up evening really. i was officially 19 couple of days ago n never have i felt so fucking afraid of having days in the new yr pass me by. for once. i wan it to stay still. i need to cherish my time really. the apparent haemorrhage in her brain. it scares the shit out of me what i read on wikipedia. why they fuck did i even read it.

i honestly feel fucked.

a new place of solace.

this is really for a certain breast thats lazy. if anyone finds out. im gonna get this deleted etc.
this is my place for whining.
this is a call.

it just suddenly dawned upon me that the assassination was so real. everytime i read about something surreal, i turn on cna n look for it on latest news. den after that comes the confirmation on wiki. this particular one is really scary. i swear. terrorism has brought this to a whole new level. never did i expect in this day and age for someone running for the office to b assassinated as cruelly as she died. its just inhuman, and barbaric to say the least.

tmr is half a freaking day. means i go back in the morning at 7am. and leave at 12pm. and in that 5 hrs. im gonna have to finish work that is due on the 2nd, work which has piled up before my trip to that certain cold cold place.
this is a good way to start. i hope it is.