the used to be me.

things have realled changed hasnt it.

it was pretty much opening an old wound and pouring salt all over it.

i was a pretty big asshole den and that pretty much vindicates everything i deserved.

life is a boomerang. it comes straight back at you.

in the past year, ive learnt my lesson and im so glad for u.

u have accepted the shortcomings and the good things that come with it.

whatever the case, im glad we're working out and at the same time, apologetic that the previous one was such a mess.

burning desire fading away.

contemplated the past year recently. and came up with this:

i have gone the entire year sleeping without a bed, without a room, doing the first 2 years with 6 assignments due every 2 months and an exam that follows in the proceeding month, giving tuition to a combined of 16 students and actually doing well with my grades.

i gues i havent been the best son/brother/boyfriend/grandson/breastfriend/bestfriend/friend to a lot of pple out there (in order of importance). but can u really blame me? couple the above with the ever mounting debts and actually financing my tertiary education seems rather impossible but i have actually accomplished it with, i quote, "haphazard rubber timing".

the room or lack of one has kinda sorta been pushing me on, willing me to strive even harder. its the 4th semester and it would be obvious for me to want to do well. but for once, i seem to be a little burnt out. ive had a little stick for not performing my duties as the above roles but unless u know me, u probably don understand the workload that i go through on a daily basis. u probably think that it all is fine and dandy and everything is exergerrated but i guess u could take ur opinions, write them on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle and stick down ur throat.

its been a year too long and now, i crave for my space.

red-nosed. AGAIN.

its one of those days that i wake up with an incessant dripping nose, and not matter what i do, it doesnt go away.

if u ACTUALLY know me, u would be able to gauge how bad it is to know that i actually cancelled work to lay at home and rest. but i felt guilty. a mucus dripping windy isnt as efficient as a half fucked windy these days.

now couple all that nose dripping shit with no circulation of air in this room, a body full of sweat and an iphone thats pissing the shit all over my face. what kind of image do u get?

count the blessings or rue the dissapointment?

2 years ago. it was tragedy to say the least. at about this, we were all gathered at the a&e wondering if the clot in the brain could go away.

just last year, it was a case of watching a sad sob story or one tree hill if i don rem wrongly, wondering when i would actually find myself in a right relationship.

this year, things are a little different but some things just don ever ever change.

2009 was a little productive if u ask me, im legal and definitely responsible for all kinds of actions that i act on. change of jobs/industries, done with the service, broken away from several severe vices of the past and i even brought someone home for the first time ever.. of course, ive found myself a little sweetie pie.

but a cloud literally hangs over my head. something is missing. i know u give me everything that u can afford to give and theres really very little left to give me and for me to ask for. but i need u to know that sometimes, i feel like a fish out of water. before we got together, i was having tonnes of fun at night but i never felt loved.

i guess its the opposite now. i am asking for a lot but i just cant deal with somethings now. there was only one reason why im staying home if u don realise. i actually thought that since u cant physically be with me, the next best thing is to talk to u till the time comes. guess that didnt really work out. honestly it sucks knowing that i cant spend my weekends and holidays with u. what makes it worse is year after year, im made to suffer this again and again.

i swear i don think im asking for too much. i just wanna physically spend special eves and nights with my loved/special one. thats all i want. why cant anyone grant me this? ever?

7 day mile - the frames

once in a while u get hurt.

and then it triggers thoughts.

how did it all happen?

and if u do more soul searching, u end up realising that the pple that hurt u most are the ones that happened to be the ones that u love most.

dig deeper and then u realise the ugly stuff.

u prob have inadvertently hurt the pple that love u loads too. from the little things to the big actions, they all don matter. chances are, things have a way of screwing u over.

what goes around, comes around. karma rears its ugly head. again.

long time coming

long long long time.

the birthday was all good and many ways possible but it didnt feel as symbolic and significant as it should have.

i sincerely believe that a huge part of it is due to how ive been the way i am, a partial 21 year old since several thousands of weeks ago.

the last 2 songs played before the clock struck 12 to bring the day to an end were symbolic, to say the least. song 2 and bad day by fuel. 1 has willed me thru everything thru the year, and the other as though to remind me about how i really wasted my special day with my dangerously lazy sleepy habits.

then, i started thinking. a lot has been happening since may 8th and i thank god for the day u came along. u said that u were skeptical at the start, i probably felt worse than that but kept it to myself. u seemed, at first, like any one of the others that came and left very quickly.

time has really proven me wrong and i really can't emphasis on everything u have provided me with. everything u've done, its been nothing short of sweet and i appreciate if sixtyfolds.

in you i have probably found what i looked for for the past 2 years and i hope that for the rest of my life, u're the first thing in the morning i think of, and last person i talk to at night =)

Day 1

Sigh.
Life sucks without you.
its barely day 1 and it has felt like 241235 years.

thing is. without you. life feels different.
i don feel like any1 understands this screwed up head.
it feels like no 1 is there to tell me my limits or my lack of it.
it feels like no 1 wants to try help me thru this.

sigh. and to think, its all day 1.